A Silent Struggle Within the Modern Man
I have spent years thinking about writing this.
There is an unspoken rule that men, especially outside religious contexts, avoid discussing matters of the soul. Talking about the soul was part of my role as a former minister. However, after leaving the church and being stripped of that religious context, I struggled with how to speak about soulfulness authentically as a secular man.
In the years since I left the church, I have worked with men who have grappled with their mental wellbeing—men whose addictions have offered fleeting moments of ecstasy and prolonged periods of terror. I have listened to men whose spirits have been drained by their work. Careers that began with high hopes have since reduced them to a daily monotonous grind. What continues to strike me in all these encounters is the man’s disconnection from his soul.
So here I am, taking a deep breath and writing about the soul because, ultimately, I believe that if we are serious about addressing men’s suicide, men’s depression, and men’s violence, we must find ways to reconnect with our souls, not within the confines of a narrow religious belief system, but through the soulfulness that connects us with a conscious relationship to self, others, and a larger purpose (Hillman, 1996).
In an age where performance overshadows presence and stoicism replaces sincerity, soulfulness has quietly slipped into obscurity, waiting beneath layers of conditioning to be remembered.
What Is Soulfulness?
Soulfulness is the embodied state of being fully present and authentically connected to oneself and the world. Dr. Shelly Harrell (2021) describes it as “experiencing and expressing a deep, embodied, interconnected inner aliveness, attunement, authenticity, and alignment.”
This soulful presence is neither performative nor dramatic—it is quiet, strong, and deep. It is evident in how a man listens, moves, creates, and connects. Soulfulness can exist in silence, music, nature, prayer, storytelling, fatherhood, or grief. However, while soulfulness is a human quality, many men have been conditioned to shy away from it, particularly in Western cultures.
Many men are conditioned to overlook these moments, not realising that the quietness of their souls speaks volumes.
Why Soulfulness Disappeared from Masculine Culture
Masculinity has historically been characterised by dominance, rationality, and emotional restraint—from ancient Stoic ideals to the industrial-era “self-made man.” Even today, societal norms perpetuate this legacy, reinforcing messages like “man up,” “do not cry,” and “stay strong.” The American Psychological Association (2018) notes that traditional masculinity discourages emotional vulnerability and fosters isolation, leading to profound spiritual disconnection.
This pervasive cultural narrative has fostered generations of men who internalise emotional suppression, affecting their ability to connect genuinely with themselves and others.
The Psychological Toll: Disconnection and Mental Health
Disconnection from the soul in men can lead to significant emotional and existential consequences.
- Higher suicide rates, particularly among middle-aged men (CDC, 2022)
- Increased substance abuse (SAMHSA, 2020)
- Reluctance to seek mental health support (Mahalik et al., 2003[1])
Dr. Assael Romanelli (2023) observes chronic isolation and emotional suppression in the modern male psyche, evident signs of a deeper spiritual hunger. This suppression, according to Romanelli, not only harms individuals; it also perpetuates harmful societal dynamics, manifesting as increased violence, addiction, and relational breakdown.
Symptoms of a Soul-Starved Life
Men often maintain facades of success while internally experiencing profound dissatisfaction. Signs include:
- Chronic dissatisfaction despite external achievements
- Emotional numbness or volatility
- Difficulty forming meaningful relationships
- Addiction to work, substances, or distractions
- Persistent feelings of emptiness or disconnection
These are not flaws, but symptoms of a neglected soul crying for acknowledgment. The more profound tragedy is that these signs are often dismissed as minor character weaknesses rather than critical warnings of deeper existential distress.
The Cost of Forgotten Soulfulness
Without soulfulness, men often seek fulfilment through external achievements—status, possessions, or control. Yet these pursuits never fill the internal void, leading to cycles of performance and more profound emotional suppression. Psychologist Thomas Moore (1992) called this estrangement “the loss of soul”—a state marked by depression, compulsion, restlessness, and relational fracture. When soulfulness is forgotten, men often:
- Overidentify with roles (provider, protector, achiever)
- Numb through work, porn, alcohol, or isolation
- Confuse their worth with their output
- Struggle to access wonder, longing, and grief
- Feel shame for their softness, sensitivity, or sadness
The personal and societal costs of this loss are profound. It results in families fractured by emotional absence, workplaces characterised by burnout, and communities weakened by relational disconnection.
Rediscovering Soulfulness: From Function to Fulfilment
When soulfulness is absent, men forget how to grieve, marvel, and rest. They lose their capacity for wonder and their language for inner truth. In that forgetting, they abandon parts of themselves that once made life feel sacred.
Reclaiming soulfulness involves recognising that you are more than your roles or outcomes. You are longing, tenderness, poetry, and music. Soulfulness reconnects men to wholeness, fostering internal stability and emotional richness.
Reclaiming soulfulness is fundamentally an act of resistance against societal norms that seek to define men solely by their productivity, power, or provision. It invites men back into the forgotten landscapes of inner experience, emotional depth, and authentic connection.
Breaking the Cycle: Inner Work of Reconnection
Rediscovering soulfulness requires intentional practice:
- Daily Reflection: Spend a few minutes journaling or meditating.
- Nature Connection: Slow down, breathe, and reconnect with nature.
- Creative Engagement: Express yourself through art, music, or storytelling.
- Seek Mentorship: Find companionship for guidance and support.
- Open Grieving: Healing involves openly acknowledging and naming losses.
These practices are not quick fixes but steady pathways back to oneself.
Soulfulness in Relationships: From Armour to Intimacy
Soulful men create soulful relationships by:
- Offering emotional availability and attunement.
- Prioritising genuine connection over performance.
- Having the courage to speak truthfully and vulnerably
Soulfulness enhances romantic relationships, friendships, family bonds, and communities, fostering deeper and more gratifying emotional connections.
Soulfulness is Relationship, Not Religion
Rooted in my experiences as a minister, the practice of soulfulness transcends religious beliefs—it is relational and accessible to everyone. Whether through meditation, silence, or ritual, the soul craves authenticity over dogma.
Soulfulness invites everyone, regardless of their religious background or belief system, to connect deeply and authentically with their inner self and broader community.
A Quiet Revolution Waiting to Begin
The forgotten art of soulfulness is not a relic but a quiet revolution ready to unfold. It challenges outdated masculine myths and fosters communities that nurture emotional wholeness.
We do not need more men who can crush goals.
We need more men who can cradle grief.
We need more men who can kneel at the altar of their own becoming.
Who can say: I do not have all the answers, but I am learning to listen again.
Final Invitation: Will You Remember?
I invite you to reflect:
- What would life look like if lived from your soul rather than your mask?
- Who could you become by embracing wholeness instead of your performance?
The art of soulfulness lies patiently beneath layers of conditioning and silence. If reading this stirs something within—a memory, longing, a quiet yes—remember, you do not have to journey alone.
Ready to Begin?
If you wish to transition from numbness to meaning and from mask to authenticity, reach out. I offer confidential one-on-one mentoring and soulful guidance to reconnect you with your inner life.
📩 Email: musingsfromthemaze@gmail.com
🌐 Website: www.musingsfromthemaze.com.au
FAQs
What is soulfulness in men?
Soulfulness in men refers to a state of deep emotional awareness, authenticity, and presence. It is the ability to live from the inside out.
How is soulfulness different from spirituality?
Spirituality often relates to belief systems, while soulfulness is more embodied—it’s about how you feel, express, and connect at the deepest level.
Why is soulfulness vital for men’s mental health?
It encourages emotional openness, lessens isolation, and reconnects men to meaning—protective factors against depression, addiction, and suicide.
Can soulfulness be reclaimed after years of disconnection?
Yes. While it may take time and support, every man has the innate capacity to reconnect with his soul.
What are some daily practices to cultivate soulfulness?
Mindful journaling, creative expression, being in nature, emotional reflection, and connecting with others authentically.
Is soulfulness a weakness in men?
Absolutely not. It is one of the greatest strengths a man can embody—leading to clarity, connection, and courage.
[1] Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2003). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviours as predictors of men’s health behaviours. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), 2201–2209
